Useful Tips

Is it worth it to apologize when not guilty?


Here is another gift that is best not given to anyone. Otherwise, it will aggravate your relationship and will not allow you to start cooperating.

I recently took my new laptop to the store where I bought it and asked the warranty manager to see what happened. The manager took the laptop and said that they would find out what was the matter and fix the problems within ten working days. I noticed that I need a computer today, but the manager said that, unfortunately, they do not have an urgent repair service. So, I left the computer and left. Two weeks later, they called me and said that everything was ready. When I arrived at the store, they told me that they did not repair computers of this series and that I needed to contact the manufacturer for help. Then I asked why it was necessary to wait two whole weeks and was it really impossible to inform about this earlier? They admitted their mistake and, in compensation for my time spent, promised to give me something very valuable. That's what they gave me - they apologized!

Have you ever received something like this?

Interestingly, have you ever thought that an apology is a completely useless thing! It cannot be exchanged even for a cup of coffee.

And even worse, the manager who gave me this priceless gift, quite sincerely believed that it would satisfy me, and gracefully freed himself from the further need to correct the mistake of his company.

We dare to assume that an apology is not something valuable for the one to whom it is directed. It matters only to the one who brings it. It is invented to help the offender. Apologizing, he is full of faith that has made amends. This statement is self-justifying.

Think it over. Phrases such as “I apologize” or “forgive me” help you feel that you can put an end to this. After an apology, not only do you not need to somehow correct the error, but it is also not necessary to look inside yourself and find out what exactly your personality trait has led you to in that situation. Any apology is a sign of insufficiently deep self-acceptance. If you loved yourself more and did not execute for your mistakes, you would not need to apologize. Accepting yourself as you are, you could easily and relaxively study the situation and understand what can be done to improve the situation. If you do not accept yourself, then you urgently need to close the case so that no one has time to understand what you were wrong about.

There are other tactics, such as quick and insincere confession, or guilt, or regret. None of these tactics induces you to look inside yourself, does not resolve the situation and does not give anything valuable to the person to whom you caused inconvenience.

Here is what we offer. To get started, just start to note how often you say the phrase “I apologize,” or “forgive me,” or just “sorry.” Avoiding such words, you will become aware of all those moments when you do not pay due attention to someone or something. For the most part, we try to hide our mistakes from ourselves, despite the fact that we professionally notice the mistakes and miscalculations of others. We do not understand that, recognizing all those moments when we act recklessly, we gain strength, we have the opportunity to significantly improve the quality of our own lives. The level of anxiety decreases when everything is fine in our relations with others or with ourselves. If we continue to blindly ignore our destructive behavior, we can never change it. We will not see what exactly we are doing to ruin the relationship. Whereas if we can recognize our incorrect actions, we will have a chance to avoid the difficulties that these actions may entail.

We also suggest that you do something to correct the error instead of the words “sorry” or “sorry”.

For example, the store’s employees, in which I bought a laptop and who waited in vain for two weeks, could offer: “We understand that we have inconvenience you, so tomorrow we will discuss the situation and give you something valuable that could compensate moral damage to you. ” If the client hears such words, he feels that he is understood and appreciated, while the phrase “I apologize” helps the manager get rid of guilt, leaving the client feeling helpless, misunderstood and resentful.

Now we give a positive example. The other day, we became involuntary witnesses of a scene playing out in an electronics store. The disgruntled client complained to the manager that she had to spend an hour to figure out the copy machine provided for her use and make some unfortunate copies, all because the instructions were completely incomprehensible. She was extremely upset, her voice sounded very irritated. She stated that her legs would no longer be here. The manager was on top! He listened carefully to her, waited for her to finish, then said: “I understand that you are upset. You don’t have to pay for copies made. ” The client’s expression changed dramatically, she smiled and said: “Good. I just wanted you to do something about it, so that next time I would not have to bother so much. " Compensation cost the manager from the strength of 30 rubles. Is it worth it to spend 30 rubles to save the client?

Once, about six years ago, they called me from the Lexus company. They asked if I was satisfied with the car service a few days ago. The manager asked in great detail if I liked everything. I must say, I was pleasantly surprised when the company offered me a free taxi so that I would not wait for the completion of the car repair. Of course, I took advantage of this service and managed to visit my mother-in-law. But you understand how important this is! I liked the way the Lexus company values ​​its customers so much that since then I bought two more cars of this brand and, in addition, I told many people how caring the company turned out to be. The value of the advertising that I did for Lexus, sincerely assuring others of how pleasant it was to deal with it, was much more than the 500 rubles that they paid for my taxi.

Stop for a moment and remember the last time you said the words “I apologize” or “sorry”. Think about what you could do as compensation. In order to learn how to correct the situation, you may have to practice a bit of it. Do not lose patience and remember that by becoming more attentive, you will establish all your relationships. So, next time, instead of asking for forgiveness, just do something as compensation.

Should I apologize to my partner?

Let's say this is your soulmate.

There is one wise expression: "The first to apologize is not the one who is to blame, but the one who values ​​relations."

You probably know that negativity does not lead to anything good, therefore, if you are accused of trifles in something, do not be stubborn, but simply apologize. This is especially true for guys: girls often throw tantrums about and without him, and sometimes the word “forgive” is the most painless way out of the situation.

Apologize for the benefit?

Another example: a person in front of you is the dean of the faculty of your university or the head of work. Should I apologize to him if not to blame? We think so. Your apology will not make anyone worse, but you will be able to avoid conflict and maintain good relations with those whom you will turn to more than once for help. In such a situation, it is important not to cross the line when you apologize and at least roughly understand why, and by fiddling with it.

No need to apologize for

There are a few things we do not recommend you apologize for - never, before anyone. Let's take a closer look.

Apologizing when wrong is uncomplicated and sometimes makes sense. But if you are accused of being human?

Fatigue does not make you guilty.

You came home from work and went to rest, and your soulmate was offended by you for not paying attention to her - the insult is very selfish, in truth. Do not apologize to her for her fatigue, because rest is a natural need of the body. Just explain to your loved one that you are very tired and be sure to give him time after you have a rest - but no “forgive” and “sorry”, otherwise you will simply sit on your neck.

Appearance - a reason for apology?

No need to apologize for the way nature has created you. If someone doesn't like you, just forget - that's all. No one ever needs to apologize for their appearance, because no one has chosen which one will be born. If you are accused of non-compliance with standards, feel free to send this person home.

Beliefs - only you are right in what you believe.

Do not apologize to Christians for being an atheist - and vice versa. Each person has his own convictions, and he must defend them. Remember, if someone tells you that you were mistaken in this regard, in no case should you ask for forgiveness from this person. Beliefs are an area in which it is good to be stubborn.

To apologize for love?

“You will not command the heart,” so when someone blames you for choosing a bad partner, do you need to apologize? Of course not. A person cannot simply choose who he will fall in love with - this process is completely uncontrollable. You see your soulmate in a completely different way than other people, so never try to ask someone to apologize for your personal choice.

How to apologize correctly

Suppose you are not guilty, but pleaded guilty to avoid conflict. How to apologize properly? First, a cold “sorry” or “sorry” rarely helps. In order for a person to have the feeling that you really repent of their deeds (although you didn’t do anything), you need to state the reason for the offense during the apology. Imagine that your accuser is a priest, and you are at a confession. Turn on acting and repent of what you did not do. Then they will believe in your apology and change their attitude to what is favorable for you.

We hope you enjoyed the article and you got the most out of it! And remember: apologize only when apology makes sense. And sometimes this meaning is in recognizing yourself wrong, even if it is not, for the sake of getting something more.

Always know what to do

You know better than others how to behave in any situation. Knowing how to react to the behavior of others and how to build your own model of behavior, it is easy to get rid of at least 50% of the doubts that you reflect on during the day. It will be much more productive to devote this time to more important decisions, isn't it?