If you are now thinking about how to increase your self-esteem, then you are the creator of your own life. Realizing the problem, you did not come to terms with it and did not postpone it for later, but now look for solutions and are ready to work hard. I am proud of you.
Your attitude, as well as our most effective tips for improving self-esteem carefully collected in this article, will help to solve this problem once and for all. Only I ask you not just to read the article, but put into practice at least part of the recommendations available here, and you can quickly feel the positive changes in terms of self-esteem. Are you ready? Then we begin in order.
What is self-esteem?
This term is usually called general perception by man own abilities, capabilities and personal qualities. It does not always exactly match the real possibilities, but it often becomes the main factor in life success. Therefore, any person experiencing problems with self-esteem should work to ensure that his own should be improved.
Self-assessment performs several important functions, the main of which are:
- protection - internal autonomy, the ability to form their own opinions and not succumb to the influence of others,
- regulation - the ability to make informed personal choices,
- development - the pursuit of self-improvement.
It is important to understand that low self-esteem is formed in humans not only because of real flaws. She is influenced by the opinions of others (from immediate relatives to colleagues and comrades). If it is underestimated, a person spends an excessive amount of energy to doubt doesn't take up ambitious projects, doesn't believe in herself. If it is too high, there is a risk of making mistakes, because excessive self-confidence makes a person lose caution. To understand how to increase self-esteem, you need to understand how it is formed, and what factors affect it.
How self-esteem is formed
The ability to adequately assess their own strengths and weaknesses is formed in a person from childhood. Excessive demands and strictness of parents or neglect of friends can have long-lasting consequences. As a result, a person grows up, gets an education, gets a job and starts a family, and the need to constantly prove something surrounding him retains and negatively affects the quality of life.
Friends and loved ones also continuously influence self-esteem - a dear person can instantly increase or lower it. Criticism of oneself is especially painful, inevitably self-reliant (both in the short term and in the long term). In addition, we ourselves often become a source of uncertainty. Concentrating on failure, we come to disappointing conclusions and engage in self-criticism, reducing our own initiative.
An equally common source of low self-esteem is negative experiences from childhood or a consequence of psychological problems. Initially, it is formed due to certain characteristics of upbringing and norms of behavior imposed on the child by the parents. In the future, the perception of one's own attractiveness, sporting successes and various abilities is added. All occurring events that force a person to rethink his own value, affect his self-esteem. And from a certain moment, it begins to play a decisive role in life, forcing a person to abandon ambitions. To overcome this vicious circle, you need to actively work on how to increase self-esteem. We continue.
How to determine that self-esteem is lowered?
Typically, the following character traits indicate the need to work on improving self-esteem:
- excessive self-criticism with harmless mistakes,
- fear of mistakes and constant worries about trifles,
- increased susceptibility to the opinions of others about oneself,
- unreasonable jealousy due to self-doubt,
- envy of successful people
- constant search for excuses
- pessimism and negative perception of events.
Even one of the listed character traits indicates a noticeable lack of self-confidence. If you find yourself a few items from this list, you urgently need to increase self-esteem in all available ways.
Why is self-esteem reduced?
Before we begin work on increasing self-esteem, let's look at the main reasons that provoke its decline. As they say, forewarned means armed. What are these factors?
One of the main reasons for the decline in self-esteem in modern life is the tendency to "self-digging." A person constantly analyzes his failures, compares himself with other people. As examples to follow, he chooses smart, successful and attractive. And comparing himself to them, he begins to consider himself a failure. Of course, the habit of comparing yourself to more successful comrades can help some people and increase their productivity. But for most, she turns around a strong blow to conceit.
For girls and women, the most important factor that can lower or increase self-esteem is appearance. The situation has been especially aggravated in our time. If yesterday beautiful, almost perfect faces looked at us only from glossy pages, today they are on every profile of a social network. It affects many girls negatively. And even the opportunity to publish your own photo, "photographed" to the ideal, does not correct this situation.
There is another factor that almost everyone has been adversely affected by. it experience of defeat. Faced with severe failure, a person obsesses with the situation. Again and again, he scrolls through an unpleasant event in his thoughts, thinking up what to do in order to avoid failure. Do you know this feeling? Literally stuck in the past, a person loses control of the present and future.
There are other factors. For example, communication with people seeking increase your own self-esteem at someone else’s expense. A good helper is perfectionism, which inevitably strengthens the fear of failure. We have listed the most noticeable reasons, in fact there are many more, but we will not waste time. We pass to the main part of our article.
Simple ways to increase self-esteem
As mentioned earlier, self-esteem can and should be influenced. Of course, you have to work hard, but believe me - the result is worth it. Harmonious self-esteem makes a person more confident, positive and most importantly - happy. Well, are you ready to work on self-esteem? Then proceed. Here is our plan:
Find the root of the problem
Low self-esteem is not genetically embedded in us - it develops under the influence of external factors. To understand how to increase it, you need to figure out what caused the problem. For example, if problems with self-perception are associated with being overweight, you need to remember when anxious thoughts related to this first occurred. Perhaps one of the friends joked on this subject, and it was unpleasant for you? In any case, all further work will be much more effective when you are clearly aware of the reason for low self-esteem, and the moment when you have lost confidence in yourself.
Get rid of self-criticism
All people make mistakes, and it’s not necessary to blame yourself for every failure. Getting rid of self-criticism will give you several advantages in life:
- The energy that was previously spent on self-flagellation will be freed,
- You will learn to accept yourself and be able to focus on achieving goals,
- The strengths of your personality will manifest and come to the fore.
By learning to relate to failures creatively and without self-flagellation, you can benefit from them. This will be a valuable experience, and in some cases you can completely turn a mistake into your own good.
What is needed for this? First, no matter how bad the situation is, remember - could be much worse. And everything turned out not in the worst way only thanks to your efforts and experience. In addition, think about how many people in your place would not be able to learn a valuable lesson from the current situation, because they are not strong enough in character, but you can. Do this, and feel self-respect for yourself, because failure will not break you anymore, but will only make you stronger.
In addition to self-criticism, it is important to be able to firmly respond to criticism of others. We have already examined this important topic in detail a little earlier, so we move on.
Learn to see failure as an important experience.
As we have already said, failure can greatly “hit” self-esteem. But let's agree once and for all: every painful mistake is a valuable life lesson. Analyze it. Be sure to think about what to do to avoid similar mistakes in the future, how to use the experience gained and what advantages can be extracted.
Try to look at yourself from the side, as you would look at a dear person who has fallen into a similar situation. You would hardly condemn him, would you? So you should not blame yourself.
Keep a success diary
Success Diary is a must-have tool for anyone looking to boost self-esteem. Having lost faith in oneself, a person automatically begins to attach maximum importance to his own mistakes, ignoring successes and praises. It's time to break this trend. Start writing down your accomplishments, praises from other people, and things that you yourself were pleased with. Read more about how to keep a success diary here.
Praise yourself more often
Self-criticism and self-digging are bad habits. So why not supplant them with a useful habit - the ability to praise yourself for small victories? Just notice your every success and analyze exactly what character trait helped to achieve it. This method will help not only increase self-esteem, but also develop useful abilities that make you more successful.
But this is not about banal praise, in the spirit of "you are done." For this to have an effect, you should try to regularly analyze your actions. For example, you set out to start getting up a little earlier every day. And so, the next day you did it. Think about the fact that thousands of people on this planet for years can not accustom themselves to get up earlier, and you could do it in one day. Yes, you are a hero, you can safely be proud of yourself! Take the habit of analyzing your achievements regularly in this way - think about how you are really strong in spirit and how much you can do.
Learn to say “NO!”
Low self-conceit and submissive dependability are connected by a mutual causal relationship. Learn to refuse people who put their interests above yours. By becoming firm and answering “No!” To unwanted offers, you will automatically increase your own self-esteem. You will begin to respect yourself more, realize that you can defend your borders, and this is the foundation of a harmonious personality.
Create a positive environment for yourself
Avoid negative people recommend for a reason. They notice every unpleasant trifle and remind about it. Try to surround yourself with positive people who prefer to notice the good. Of course, it is not always possible to follow this advice, since a close relative may turn out to be a “negative”. In this case, regularly remind him that you do not want the negative to be present in the communication. Let him learn to control himself. Do not be afraid to tell people things that they may not be pleased to hear; be careful not to hush up such things.
It’s not necessary to exhaust yourself with training in the gym. A daily 20-minute jog or an hour's walk will significantly increase your tone and improve your mood. Do not be afraid to waste time on sports. Anyone who is interested in regular jogging or other workouts quickly notices that there is even more free time. The secret is that sport provides a powerful boost of energy, helping to do everything faster.
Get out of the comfort zone
Under the yoke of problems, a person becomes dependent on his own weaknesses, giving him a sense of comfort. Sweets, pastries, series, games, alcohol and other ways of self-comfort help briefly escape from problems in a cozy inner world. Here are just the problems at this time not solved, but only accumulate. Subconsciously, a person realizes that he has hidden from reality, therefore his self-esteem inevitably decreases. And there is only one way to quickly and effectively increase it - to leave the “comfort zone” and begin to actively solve the accumulated problems.
Start using affirmations
Positive affirmations - a technique from psychology that can increase self-esteem even to a person who considers himself the last loser. These are small statements containing positive attitudes in the style of "I'm strong enough to achieve everything I want!". You can find them in text form or in audio recordings. Read them aloud, memorize them, listen while jogging. These settings are remembered, and gradually you will begin to remember them in any life situation, when necessary.
What will work on self-esteem give?
Well, my friends, I hope you have already begun to put into practice the knowledge you have gained, or you will definitely try to do it in the near future. So that you definitely succeed in raising self-esteem, let's consolidate your motivation and discuss what qualities a person with positive self-esteem has:
- knows his strengths and uses them,
- knows his weaknesses and accepts them,
- not looking for excuses for her actions,
- does not need the approval of others,
- immune to criticism
- does not judge people by appearance,
- does not experience unnecessary anxieties or stresses, because it is self-confident.
This is only an incomplete list of what qualities a person has who has worked to increase self-esteem. In my opinion, it’s worth it to grow and develop in this direction, agree?
1. Use affirmations correctly
Affirmations - self-hypnosis formulas - are very popular, but they have a significant drawback. Often they make people with low self-esteem feel even worse. Why? When self-esteem is underestimated, statements like “I will achieve great success!” Strongly contradict a person’s inner convictions.
Oddly enough, affirmations most often work for people who already have self-esteem.
But how to make them work for themselves if your self-esteem leaves much to be desired? Say more plausible formulas. For example, instead of “I will achieve great success!” Say to yourself, “I will try my best until I achieve what I want.”
2. Define your areas of competence and develop them
Self-esteem is based on real achievements in those areas of life that are important to you. If you are proud of yourself when you prepared a delicious dinner, more often invite guests and treat them with something tasty. If you are good at running, apply for a sports competition and get ready for it. Identify your areas of expertise and look for opportunities to emphasize this.
3. Learn to accept compliments
People with low self-esteem are in dire need of compliments, but at the same time they do not know how to react to them correctly.
Accept compliments even if they make you feel uncomfortable.
The best way to avoid a reflex reaction is to deny all the good things that are being said about you - to prepare a simple set of answers and practice each time to pronounce them on the machine when you receive a compliment. For example, say “Thank you!” Or “It's so kind of you.” Over time, the desire to deny compliments will disappear, and this is a clear indicator that your self-esteem is rising.
4. Stop criticizing yourself, be softer
If you constantly criticize yourself, self-esteem becomes even lower. To regain self-esteem, it is necessary to replace criticism with compassion for oneself.
Every time you are unhappy with yourself, ask yourself what you would say to your best friend in such a situation. As a rule, we feel compassion for our friends more than for ourselves. But if you learn to cheer yourself up in difficult circumstances, you can avoid lowering your self-esteem due to a critical attitude.
5. Verify Your Importance
The following exercise will help you regain self-esteem after it has been dealt a severe blow.
Make a list of your qualities that are important in the context of the situation. For example, if you were refused a date, make a list of qualities that in the future will help you create good relationships (tolerance, caring, emotional). If you couldn’t get a promotion at work, indicate the traits that make you a valuable employee (responsibility, hard work, creativity). Затем выберите один из пунктов списка и кратко поясните, почему вы гордитесь этим качеством и почему оно будет оценено другими людьми в будущем.
Попробуйте выполнять это упражнение раз в неделю или когда вам требуется толчок, чтобы поднять чувство собственного достоинства.
External and internal factors of low self-esteem
Not all people realize that their self-esteem is underestimated, and therefore do not even ask themselves the question "how to increase self-esteem". It seems that everything is in order, but any stress can be unsettling.
Such a person hunches over - to become less noticeable, his gaze is lowered or running, his movements are tense and ragged. He is uncommunicative, rarely begins a dialogue until he is asked, it is difficult for him to offer his idea or project. And when asked, the speech is inconsistent, uncertain and quiet.
A person with low self-esteem always doubts in himself: “am I doing the right thing”, “this dream is probably stupid”, “I am not interested in anyone”, “why should I voice my idea, for sure someone else has already said or will tell about it ".
Subconsciously (sometimes consciously), he feels that there is a problem and is trying to solve it with the help of psychological literature: how to love yourself, how to gain self-confidence, how to increase self-esteem, how to become successful, gain financial independence.
Such people also do not like their appearance: they consider themselves not attractive enough. They find fault with the figure: the chest is small, the ears are large, the nose is crooked, the penis is small and this is at best.
Naturally, it is difficult for people with low self-esteem to achieve any results and goals. A common story is that they work hard, "plow tirelessly," while others receive praise and bonuses.
Moreover, when someone from the environment is trying to support and cheer up, saying: “you look great”, “you are doing great”, they don’t believe, like “well, yes, of course, you are just trying to calm me down, in fact, everything badly".
It’s easy for people with low self-esteem to impose someone else’s opinion. They become easy prey for marriage speculators, all kinds of scammers, victims of poor-quality advertising. They are being drawn into loans, unreliable investment companies.
This is because they listen to someone else's truth more than their own, and depend on the opinions of others. Is that familiar? Then the question is how to increase self-esteem relevant to you.
1. In some cases, parents did not plan a pregnancy and are not psychologically ready for the birth of a child
They are confused, annoyed at crying, do not know why he is yelling and what he wants from them. Love and maternal instinct does not wake up immediately. As a result, the child has a feeling that something is wrong with him, since he is not loved.
In other cases, parents are in principle emotionally cold. They do not show warmth and tenderness not only to children, but also to each other. They do not praise the child, do not hug, do not kiss, do not talk to him, are interested in school grades at best. Such children conclude that they are not good enough.
2. The second group of reasons - distorted love
Families where parents are convinced that it is impossible to praise a child once again, otherwise he will relax, become selfish, conceited - in general, will deteriorate. Therefore, parents set the bar high. For any achievement, the child hears: you can do better! He, of course, takes a low start and runs to the next peak, runs up and hears: "it is possible even better." As a result, the child has a picture of the fact that no matter what he does, he is bad.
In all cases, children break themselves to earn love. However, no matter how hard they try, they do not receive love. They get upset, sometimes become discouraged and after a while try to earn love again.
Each time they experience failure, self-esteem falls. In adulthood, the problem is finally fixed.
Only after realizing the reasons can a person better understand the way how to increase one's self-esteem.
How to increase your child’s self-esteem
You won’t spoil the porridge with butter. Therefore, do not save on praising your child. Talk to him more often about how he does something wonderful, how great he is doing.
When a child is upset, support him, offer help or do it together, but not for him, otherwise he will decide that he will not be able to master some skill. If you are upset by the behavior of the child, construct criticism constructively.
The basis of criticism should be love. For example, “I love you very much, but your behavior upset me, please do it differently next time.”
If a child is behaving badly, it means that he is trying to draw your attention to something. It is useful to find out what he wanted to receive, and together with him to outline other ways to achieve the desired.
Take some time a day to be completely and completely with your child. It is enough for 15-20 minutes to talk with the child or to do what he likes, so that the child feels that he is loved.
These simple rules will help your child build a healthy self-esteem and become successful. At each stage of growing up, it is useful to undergo psychological prophylaxis in order to correct possible deviations or difficulties in time.
This way is easier and cheaper than finding the answer to the question of how to increase self-esteem.